Alone with Music

I wept.

Maybe it was the combination of Bach and Beethoven or Patheique played with such grace and beauty of sound.

My home in the gallery seats, the highest heights, still scared me to find my seat, I’m absolutely petrified of heights.  However, it’s more comfortable for me to enjoy the show, being where no one else wants to be.  Ironically, I think the sound is better up high.  Alone, I find comfort with my books and my writing, the ability to kick off my heels with no one noticing, and be separated by everyone else by at least 10 seats.  This evening music drifted up and wrapped me in a blanket of notes and feeling and emotion.  I felt like I was home.

Writing and music soothes me.  And it is something I can do by myself.

I have been alone on purpose these days and as uncomfortable as it was at first, I now see the absolute necessity of it and importance to “know thyself”.

I came across a video the other day, it was Oprah speaking at a college convocation.  She said what she has learned while conducting interviews that most people were most interested in the following: Did you hear me, did you see me, did I matter.

I think about all the times where there was dysfunction between me and another person, or miscommunication, or angst.  We all want to know that we are heard, we are seen, and we matter. In life of course, but also in our intimate relationships.

I keep everything I write, including emails, which I have been reviewing in order to take a look at my interactions and behavior.  It has been very interesting to see at periods where I did not hear, see, or convey to those I loved that they mattered.

Why?

I consider myself a good person, I strive to be kind, yet….there have been times where I have caused great pain…I had to look at the why.  Upon review of correspondence is was glaringly obvious….

I was more concerned with defending my position, myself…rather then “hearing”, seeing, and acknowledging that what the other person needed.   Making my arguments through lengthy emails (dear lord…being an emotional writer is a gift /curse…I can express myself in four page letters), I completely missed the point of the communication.  Because I wasn’t listening.  I was hearing, but not listening…there’s a difference.

When you practice real love…it’s kinda simple, and responses to disagreements are as well.

“I hear you, I see what you are saying, I’m sorry, how can I make this better?  You are so important to me.  I love you.”

Love isn’t in passionate embraces (even though…I do think this important to have).  Love is simple.  It is simple acts.

It’s your presence.  It’s in a cup of tea, it’s in driving the children to school, it is holding someone’s hand when they are scared and hurting even if you are afraid to.  Real love is beautifully boring in it’s day to day actions, and in saying that, I can attest, it is not boring at all…it’s beautiful.  I hope that you will begin to visit the House of the Magnolia Tree Page.  This is dedicated to practicing “real love'”.  While I’m not in a personal relationship, I am in a relationship with life and God and I think that we can practice love, wherever we are at.

We are called to love one another.  That means listening, seeing, and letting people know they matter.

…they matter, their opinions matter, their feelings matter.

And it doesn’t matter where you are at in life…coupled, not coupled, parent, friend…whatever you are

…whoever you meet in life, listen to them…see them…let them know…they matter.

 

 

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