“Ideally people should come together already filling fulfilled in themselves and just appreciating that in the other rather then expecting the other to supply that sense of well-being that they don’t feel on their own. Then there’s a lot of problems, along with the projections that come with romance, that we project and all our ideas and desires and romantic fantasies on to the other which the other cannot possibly fulfill, once you get to know them, it’s not prince charming or Cinderella, it’s just a very ordinary person who is also struggling. Unless one is able to see them, to like them as well as feel desire for them and to also have loving kindness and compassion. Then it’s going to be a very difficult relationship.”
My favorite subject, love, is perfect to discuss on a windy, snowstorm of a Friday night while snuggling in my writers chair.
I believe in love.
But it took me awhile to figure out what it was and it took me losing someone I considered to be the love of my life to understand the breath and fullness of love. To understand what it was and what it wasn’t. It took my fevered attachment ridden brain a year to unwind itself from it’s misconceptions of what love was.
I thought love was holding on….what I found was love was letting go.
“People think that the more you hold on to someone the more you care about them, but it’s not, it’s just they are trying to grasp at something because they think that they themselves will be hurt.”
I have enclosed the best description of what real love I have come across below. What I learned, as I wrote this year, and meditated and contemplated, and prayed that I would be released from this heartbreak, was that…love, real love, can only occur when you are whole. Whole in yourself. And then…you can love. But sometimes letting go is the truest form of love for the other person.
“I love you, therefore I want you to be happy. If it includes me great, if it doesn’t include me. I just want your happiness.”
Love is simply to want the happiness of the other person. That’s when I knew…I learned to love and…I truly loved him. When I understood him.. When I let him go and let him be….with all that love still present.
It’s freeing to love like that. To wish nothing but the deepest happiness for another person…against that there is no law…there is only deep peace, deep listening…and joy and love.