A Twist in the Fabric

Today…I came full circle.  Today…of all days, just like any other day, nothing special, it simply clicked in the car driving back from work, listening to this TED Talk…I got the answers that I had spent years trying to figure out.  You see, I had been a twist in the fabric of love for quite some time.

“The key to true love is in the word true.  It was when I was honest with myself and let go of an agenda and stop trying to make things happen that love could actually happen, otherwise I was just pushing it away….Love isn’t some kind of magical thinking…it’s grace…it’s by honoring gentleness.”

Gentleness…this was something I had to re-remember…for such a long time, love had been my warzone…I had forgotten gentleness and grace, like thistledown, and golden rod, and golden summers, and tiger swallowtail wings…that’s what love was, this gentleness.

Maybe it was the re writing of my first story.  The ending had been bothering me for quite some time…then I realized….I needed to see it from his perspective…and write that.  Maybe it was the day in it’s utter ordinariness, but I understood him…and I understood me…and all the things that prevented love and all the things that made it beautiful…and all the things it still was…now that it was something else, that really couldn’t be labeled in any way…maybe it was a nothing for him…for me…it was something quiet that remained in my heart.  A quiet gentleness where once there was a storm.

Sometimes we learn our lessons in love…sometimes we learn our lessons in the absence of it.  But we learn… we do learn…

“I was gardening with a nun, she handed me a tiny plant, it had two leaves, it was light green and it was beaming, and it said, I am extremely precious, I’m am life itself.  And it’s your responsibility to take care of me…I had no choice but to honor it.”

To love…is to see each other like little plant, and say, “You are extremely precious, you are life itself and it’s my responsibility to take care of you and this love…I honor you.

This can be done…with everyone and everything…but most importantly, with the person whom you love.


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