“It feels like the truth might crush me, but the instance it crushes me it puts me back into something more real”-Nadia Bolz-Webber
There are places where the truth must be, there are people you can tell the truth to, but you must tell the truth to one person…yourself. Today I confessed to me, about me, I wrote it down…everything. I think a lot of people like to confess their truth to the whole world, to social media, to anyone who will listen. I choose myself, God, and maybe one other person. That’s it. As Brene Brown says, “Don’t share your shame story with everyone.” I have been on both sides of this coin, but the worst is when you share your shame story with someone you love and they are not there for you. Your family, your friends, your spouse, your boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s a whole other vulnerability issue, as a child raised in a home where vulnerability didn’t exist, it’s taken me years to get to a place where I can be vulnerable, with the right people.
When you start getting “woke” as I like to say. You may want to just be all sorts of woke and honest with everyone. In a perfect heaven on earth, we could do that, the reality is that you can’t do that with everyone. There are people who will take your shame story and blast it out there to everyone that will hear it. Your truth may be fodder for gossip and distain and judgement.
Figuring out who you can share your truth with is a process, trust is built over time; however, there is one absolute…you must tell the truth to you. These jagged edges…are what makes you real.
Being real with yourself, you can be more real with others and you can move a bit more easier in the world. From this truth you can make decisions that are in alignment with who you are, you can be more truthful with others, and you can speak this truth as it arises instead of ignoring the painful reality of sometimes what is.
“Everything thing we need to know is in the SFD, Shitty First Draft. Anne Lamont says that every writer has a shitty first draft.”-Brene Brown
We ALL have a shitty first draft. Maybe a shitty first marriage, maybe a shitty first draft of learning to love, maybe a shitty first draft of being a parent. As a writer, I have many of them, heck, maybe this post is a SFD, but they are only an SFD in life if you don’t learn from them and you don’t rewriting. The art of writing and life is re rewriting. Take the good stuff, and get rid of the bad. Learn…be revolutionary, break the pattern. And you know what, changing a pattern is really difficult. As I sit here and write their are patterns that I’m still struggling with trying to break.
The revolution is when it becomes a practice. Taking responsibility for your emotions and not projecting those emotions on to other people.
Have uncomfortable conversations.