“We are seeking to recreate our family of origin. The only way out is to heal.”
We don’t always get the answers right away in life, sometimes we have to go through a lot of pain to stop hurting ourselves, others, and receieve understanding. Receptivity come in meditation, for me-it is grounding, plugging into soul. This is where I am quiet enough to hear what I need to hear.
Shame…ah…shame. I grew up in a family of shame, it was the modus operendi of control. It’s not that my parents were bad people, it’s just what they did. Religion became a place of shame as well. It makes me want to cry now thinking about how wrong using God to shame someone with is. It can be a form of abuse, shame is a wound that children carry into adulthood and it manifests in all sorts of maladaptive ways. It prevents us from forming loving bonds, we sometimes use it as a defensive mechanism to harm others, then we harm ourselves with it.
“When you know better, you do better.”
Meditation, mindfulness, Reiki, education, Buddhism, 12 Steps, Catholic/Christian mysticism, these are things that brought me to
1. Know the shame
Once you know why things are happening makes forgiveness and healing flow like a river of goodness to your soul and others.
Things start to happen…
Like acceptance and finding joy in your own weirdness. The kind that has you going to mass on Saturday and waking up Sunday for a Dharma talk and mediation at the zen center. You may find yourself planning a horse riding trip to Iceland and one to Saudi Arabia to study with beoudin horse masters and learn more about Islam. Or making a vision board, where House concerts are a monthly event, you own a bookstore, your backyard is an English garden, all the dreams are in front of you, they are not impossible anymore because the only thing holding you back…was you…your addictions…and shame.
I have to believe that if you follow who you are, allow yourself to “be you”, leave anyone or anything that doesn’t support your growth, or accepts you as divinity manifested in its own creative way-acceptance, then what you seek..as Rumi says is seeking you, and you will find whatever that is. God would not put desire in your heart only to not give it to you, maybe he’s asking us to get out of our own way…and trust…the unfolding.